Monday, November 28, 2005

Moving

It's been two days since I moved into my new apartment. It's amazing how much stuff I have! Boxes and boxes of things I can't seem to live without -- far from bare basics, but things that are dear to me or make life easier, like kitchen gadgets. I also own countless pairs of shoes; to this day I am not sure of the exact number. Shoes, purses, scarves, belts -- those are the things that men will never understand. The closest comparison I could think of is guns, stereos and cars.

Moving is expensive, even if you do it yourself ($400 for a U-Haul, for instance). There's a Russian proverb: The stingy pays twice. In my case, it means if I buy cheap, junky things -- I will have to replace them in the very near future due to their poor quality and my own klutziness. So, I am sucking it up and buying fewer but nicer items.

The first couple of nights went quietly -- no neighbors' headboards banging against my wall, no domestic violence and no partying. I am thinking of having a little housewarming party myself, as soon as I buy some chairs and stock up on enough wine. I could, of course, use my ethnic background to my advantage and make everyone sit on the floor Turkish style, but I need chairs anyway. Besides, the whole ethnic menu (link) would be difficult to pull off -- sheep's lungs boiled in milk? fermented mare's milk? tandoori bread?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Beauty

I don't feel like writing much tonight -- too mellow from tryptophan and Shiraz.
I did come across a couple of pictures, however, that I found simple and beautiful (and erotic?). Isn't it fascinating how our brain responds to the visual stimuli? It's what we don't see sometimes, and thus -- imagine -- that tantalizes and excites....








Wednesday, November 23, 2005

True colors



Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.
-- Lucille Ball

I have revealed my inner redhead. I absolutely love it! There's just something magnetic about this color. Famous redheads include Cleopatra, Gillian Anderson, William the Conqueror, Vincent van Gogh and many others.

"If you want trouble... find yourself a redhead."

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Dido: White Flag

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Maroon 5 song

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Vandalism

My red Mustang convertible was vandalized! Some delinquent (I might even know who it was) stabbed and cut a 14-inch gash in the top. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot???

I am not really that upset, I am just befuddled what would possess someone to vandalize the property of a complete stranger? Envy? Anger at the world? Inadequacy? I suppose, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs that particular kid lacks belonging or maybe even shelter. Don't get me wrong, I am not about to give the other cheek and blame the society for his troubles. I am just trying to comprehend.....

I also probably went straight from Denial to Acceptance, bypassing Anger and Depression. So, fellow car lovers, anyone have duct tape??

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Unanswered questions....

Like I mentioned in previous posts, I have successfully graduated from the Academy of Military Science and earned my commission. These six weeks were probably the toughest in my life -- mentally more than physically. I can't even begin to describe everything the program consists of, but suffice it to say that I went in with an open mind and "trusted the process."

Yes, I can go on talking about the enormous responsibility, professional growth and service before self. However, those would be just words. I am a better person than I was six weeks ago. Things are so much clearer now, my goals so much more attainable, and my purpose so much more noble. Friends have asked me why I am doing this, how I can be away from my kids for so long, and honestly there is no simple straightforward answer. Cold and heartless as it may seem, perhaps I lack the motherhood gene (to quote Gabrielle from DH). Am I a rotten parent because I don't feel warm and fuzzy? Maybe.... Am I contradicting myself by feeling like I have become a better person and yet being selfish at the same time? I don't know.....

Breaking Up 101

I was reading one of my regularly visited websites (askmen.com) recently and came across an interesting article that many men might found useful or at least entertaining. These are the rules of breaking up:

1- Make her the first to know
Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you're going to end it before telling her it's over. It's a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you're no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you're having with your buddies, but leave your final decision to break up with her out of it.

Use your judgment to decide which day would be best to break the news to her. If she's very emotional and you think that you'll break her heart, try to do it on a Friday. This will give her the weekend to recover and spend time with friends. But if she's the type to plow through full steam ahead, then perhaps ending it on a Monday is best. This will ensure that her busy workweek will keep her mind off the breakup and you.

Remember that there will be no "perfect time" to end the relationship. The best thing to do is set a random Monday or Friday to break up -- and stick to it.

2- Find a neutral zone
It's not fair to end the relationship at your place, nor should you be forced to see a picture of you and her hugging on her fridge. Try to find a neutral space where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings, like a park. At least there you can walk and talk, or maybe even find a more secluded spot.

A restaurant, on the other hand, is a bad choice. If she makes a scene, there's no respectful recovery and no quick way out. But fear of embarrassment is never a reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere. No matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets, there's no excuse for risking her safety or yours.

3- End it in person
If you've lost that loving feeling, be courteous and tell her face-to-face. Phone calls and e-mail are fine for small talk, but this is a big issue. It's natural to want as much distance as possible between you and her when you break the bad news, but in this case, fight your instincts and have the decency to say it to her face.

4- Keep it simple
There's no need to put her through the history of your decision to break up. She does deserve an explanation, but save her (and yourself) the long-winded reasons of exactly why and how things went sour. Be clear about the fact that you feel the relationship is at an end, but balance that crystal clear reality with a significant dose of regret.

It's important to let her know that the decision to split up is difficult for you too. By letting this be known, you make a soon to be ex-girlfriend a friend in mutual sorrow. A few words to the wise: don't say you're going to call if you're not going to. Part of keeping it simple also includes ending it smoothly -- be fair to both you and her.

If you're unclear about how you're ending it with her, it could result in a dragged out breakup. Don't break up in stages -- if you want to sever the ties, there's no time like the present.

5- Get her to see your point of view
Who can argue with logic? You're probably not the only one that's been feeling the relationship going downhill. A dose of reality might be just what the doctor ordered to get her to accept what it is you need to say -- and do -- about it. A good way to get her to understand why you and she aren't best suited for one another is through a simple example. But make sure you get her to start the ball rolling.

Ask her if she's been feeling the lag in your relationship. She'll probably have quite a few examples about why things haven't been working out. Letting her talk it through will help her see why you brought the topic up in the first place.

6- Don't change your mind
There's a big reason why you made the decision to confront her with the end of your relationship. She may argue, cry or even "not understand why you're doing this," but be sure and stick to your guns. There's nothing worse than a flip-flop relationship -- you're either in or out. So make sure you have rebuttals for all her potential comebacks.

7- Be ready for tears
Whether she's glad you said something or not, chances are tears will be shed. Ending a relationship can bring intense emotion and she's not about to save you from seeing it all pour out at once. When she does start to cry, be sympathetic but don't be drawn in by an overflow of powerful emotion. Be an emotional rock.

Make sure to have plans set with friends later that day. This will ensure that the breakup process isn't dragged on longer than necessary and that you're not alone if you feel bad about what just happened.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I am baa-ack!!!

Wow! I did it! I am now a Second Lieutenant in the US Air Force. I can honestly say that those were the longest six weeks of my life, but it was well worth it. I will write more later; right now I am just proud to announce that I am back.