Friday, January 27, 2006

Extreme Makeover

After testing his latest product on Whitney Houston, Jose Eisenberg decides to market his Youth Elixir to other aging celebrities.



BEFORE



AFTER

My (latte) cup is half full



My career has taken a slight detour. College grad, school teacher, officer, barista?? Yes, I am going to supplement my income by working a couple days a week at a coffee shop. True, it doesn't pay much, and it's far from glamorous, but it's not beneath me. Now, exotic dancing -- that would be beneath me. But getting off my butt, seductively swaying my hips...OH, wrong blog!!....doing something about paying my bills instead of whining about it and waiting for my dream job to come along -- is not demeaning.

I went into the career fair with no expectations, and was completely relaxed. Having been through numerous grilling sessions/interviews/selection boards and knowing that there wasn't much at stake, I was just being myself. My only worry was that I would be told that I am "too educated" for this position (like I have been told before when I was freshly out of college).

I find it amusing that the location is somewhat related to my present job -- the coffee shop is located on the main terminal at the airport. If only I can jog across the runway to get there after I finish my day with the AF!

I also plan to test the theory whether the more complicated one's order is, the bigger the asshole they are. For instance, half-decaf, soy milk, sugar-free syrup, dry froth, etc., etc. would be a giant asshole!! (I think, this is the first time I actually swore on this blog! Yay!)

Thursday, January 26, 2006

What kind of bra are you?

You Are a Lace Bra!

Dreamy, romantic, and ultra-feminine
You're a womanly woman who makes guys feel like men
Your perfect guy is strong, determined, and handsome
With a softer side that only you can draw out

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Separated at birth...

Another double


Paris Hilton

Inbred kid from "Deliverance"

Eerie resemblance....remind me again, why is she famous??

Monday, January 23, 2006

New Template

No, not by choice...I was trying to add a cool background to the old template and accidentally erased something in the html and wasn't able to fix it:( So, rather than guessing what went wrong I just picked something new. Time for a change anyway :))

My con daughter, Part II

The other day she received an assignment from her third-grade teacher -- a cultural heritage project. It's a little booklet that the students are supposed to make with something about their ethnic background on each page, like recipes, traditions, heirlooms, etc.

On one of the pages there was space for all the family members to sign their names. Dayna decided she is perfectly capable of completing the whole project herself, including the signatures.

I caught her signing away for everyone in the family. I gotta give that kid credit: each one had a different elaborate handwriting.

I am waiting for the day she forges a permission slip for some field trip or worse yet, a credit card application. But then again, I can max out the card and blame it on her (they can't jail an 8 year-old, can they?).

Saturday, January 21, 2006

My new toy

It's smooth and dark. It feels great in my hand. It's powerful, sleek and I get so excited just by looking at it. I love the guy who gave it to me!

It's my new iPod Nano (what did you think it was, perverts?) that I got as an early birthday present from my 18 year-old brother! He signed up for one online several months ago through some pyramid scheme and forgot all about it. It came in the mail a few days ago, and he decided to give it to me...*sniffle*..

Love ya, Gary!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Four Things

Shamelessly 'borrowed' from Trouble

Four jobs that I have had:

1. waitress
2. tour guide
3. daycare teacher
4. high school teacher

Four movies that I can watch over and over again:

1. The Thomas Crown Affair
2. Shawshank Redemption
3. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
4. Pretty Woman

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. Desperate Housewives
2. 24
3. House
4. The Simpsons

Four websites I read daily:

1. Dubious Wonder
2. Seven Deadly Sins
3. Dilbert's Blog
4. Tao of Dan

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. L.A.
2. Crimean Peninsula
3. Estonia
4. St. Petersburg, Russia

Four favorite Foods:

1. Chocolate
2. Baklava
3. Feta cheese
4. Kettle Chips

Four places I'd rather be (at this precise moment?):

1. At home, sleeping in
2. Somewhere in MS
3. On the beach
4. San Angelo, TX

I tag Sinner and Gary.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

My neighbor


Dear Abby!
I am new to my apartment building and I have a problem with my neighbor whom I will call "Kong Shaiming" (meaning "he who sits on welfare"). This "Kong" fellow smokes in his apartment and the fumes seep through the vents into my bathroom. The fumes are unbearable! "Kong" also has a little dog; and as evidenced from the pooch's erratic behavior, it is exposed to the same fumes daily. Also, an unrelated question: I have been using the words "dude" and "right on" excessively. Is there a logical explanation?
~ dazed and confused in MN

Monday, January 16, 2006

My nerd score!

I am nerdier than 51% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

I am supposed to make sure Sinner gets proper credit :) (Happy now?)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

American Soldier

This one (link) is for you, R~ as well as this:

I am deleting the video, because it slows down the process of loading the page.

She will be loved



Maroon 5 Video

Friday, January 13, 2006

Questions


Inspired by Trouble

1. Why do my kids wake up so damn early on weekends but not on school days?
2. Why do people crave omelets after drinking late at night?

3. Why are women so obsessed with shoes?

4. Why are men so fascinated with their bodily functions?


The rest are plagiarized from www.crazythoughts.com

5. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does
that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
6. When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
7.
Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
8.
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
9.
Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in under oath using a Bible?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Success!


Time at work has not been wasted today! I have discovered six bloggers connected to each other.

OK, ok, here we go: Trouble left a comment for me, I left one for Sinner who commented on Ace who knows Karol who reads Jennifer's blog. Jennifer commented on Trouble's blog, thus completed the cycle.

Whew! I am leaving work with such a sense of accomplishment.

Mornings


I hate mornings! I hit the 'snooze' button only once this morning, slithered out of bed and went straight to the kitchen. The automatic coffeemaker just turned itself on, apologetically trying to drip as quickly as possible. I gave it a disappointed look and went to check the vital signs on my laptop. My pirated* Internet was working as great as ever.

Everything else happens pretty much on autopilot until I leave for work (some would argue I am half-asleep as late as lunch time). I am going to look into adding the real Amaretto or Irish Cream to my coffee and see if that has the desired effect of cheering me up. For now, I am stuck with the idiotic DJ on the morning radio show.


*At first I was getting a signal from some dude who named his network "glenn", then I leeched on to "Salazar" and now it's "NetGear." All work intermittently, but I have figured out the precise locations in my apartment for best reception.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

National Blog Comment Week

a.k.a. Delurking week! I know you are there! If you are paranoid-delusional, stay right there, we know where you are....










And evil-doers. (Thanks, Sinner!)

sIX dEGrees of SePAratIoN

I am going to dedicate this day to finding out whether the six degrees of separation exist the 'blogesphere'. Explanation: the sidebar offers links to other blogs; my quest is to find out six bloggers interconnected by referencing each other.

Since my "tip jar" has been rather malnourished lately, I am considering applying for a research grant.


Strange grants given
The following is supposedly a true story.
LOS ANGELES TIMES, September 14:

According to a database maintained by Academic Guidance Services, there are 3,000 scholarships earmarked for golf caddies, newspaper carriers, glee clubbers, and band members.

Juanita College in Pennsylvania gives grants to needy left-handers.

Parents whose children were born on June 12, 1979 can plan ahead to apply for a scholarship to the Rochester Institute of Technology in honor of the school's 150th anniversary.

Bucknell University gives grants to students who do not use alcohol, tobacco, or narcotics and don't engage in strenuous activities.

A judge in Seattle uses the fines he collects from prostitutes to finance scholarships for their reformed sisters who want to return to school.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Please don't take my sunshine away!

At precisely 1602 ZULU time (that's 10:02 am Central Time for ya'll civilians), the clouds reluctantly parted and the sun finally emerged. After days and days of sacrificing various dead animals, wine and beer in front of my television, my prayers to the Chief Meteorologist have been answered. The result is proudly shining in my office window right now!

Perhaps, it's just a small hole in the clouds just for me, where the tower has been strategically aiming all the planes to satisfy my incessant requests. The C-130s must have finally done the trick after releasing the material contained in the baby diapers and soaking up the clouds.

So, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go get me some Vitamin D.

P.S. I can't post pictures at work anymore, because the evil network control center guys have blocked everything!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Church Signs


Now you can generate your own church sign! Link

Another Chain Mail

I got this in an e-mail this morning. It came from a former co-worker that I miss dearly, so I read it. I probably won't be forwarding it to five other women as the e-mail instructs, and I certainly hope no horrible evil will befall me should I break the chain. What Maya Angelou says here sums up my life's philosophy so well!


In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.
Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.

People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Giving...

It's comforting to know, that even in these times of skyrocketing unemployment, there are still kind people in the world.

Brothel offers discounts for jobless men

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Oh, the thinks you can think...

So, I've been thinking (it's a rare phonemenon, so it's worth pointing out) about some expressions we use. Like "wine and dine" -- can you do that to an anorexic alcoholic? Or, if a mentally ill person tells you he is crazy about you -- do they actually feel ambivalent? Or the more recent "booty call" -- how is it being accomplished in those remote areas with no modern means of communication? Do you send a messenger or emit smoke signals? Also, what would happen, if you took Viagra, codeine and Red Bull with vodka at the same time?

OK, so I have a one-track mind.

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Cool AMS Photos


I found a website that someone from the August '05 AMS class has set up to share their experience.

Link: This gig rocks!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I can paint too!



Microsoft Paint Version 5.1!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

2006 Resolutions

1. Become the most positive person I know
2. Join a classical guitar ensemble
3. Learn to change my oil
4. Stay healthy, eat less junk food
5. Do something from my "Twenty Things One Should Do In a Lifetime" list
6. Learn to become a better listener
7. Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures